A date!
No, not me. Albert and Lucy have been on a date. (Even my blog posts have more of a social life than I do. How depressing). It seems there was an instant attraction. Of course, this meant that they were rather shy and awkward around eachother for the first couple of days. You know how it is. You get all tongue-tied. You don't want to show your true feelings in case they're not reciprocated. And, of course, they already share a home. "What if things didn't work out?" they thought to themselves. They'd still have to live together. Plus if they didn't get on, I might have to delete one of them. Neither was too keen to die, or to live with survivor guilt. In short, there was a lot riding on it when Albert blurted out,
"Oh, to Hell with it, Lucy! I just can't hold it in any longer. You're... umm... oh... you know..."
"Oh, so are you, Albert! I'm so relieved."
"You mean... you like me?"
"You're wonderful. The way you blush around me is so cute. And Arial 10 point looks so good on you."
"And I can hardly take my eyes off your Verdana. And you wear it in 10 point, just like me. It's like we were meant to be together."
"Albert, let's get out of here. Where can we go?"
"You mean we can get out of here? I thought we were stuck here."
"Oh, don't listen to that Occasional Poster chap. He's clearly unreliable. Let's just go!"
"Ok, here goes. I don't know if this is going to work, but grab my hand, close your i's and... Now!"
Here is where they ended up. It wasn't an auspicious start, and said much about what was on Albert's mind at the time. But Lucy didn't mind. She was actually quite flattered. Although she pretended not to be.
"Albert!:)" she exclaimed, in what she hoped was a horrified fashion. But even he could see the little smile she was trying to hide and they both burst out laughing.
"Sorry... Umm... do you want to try it this time?"
"I just hope the same thing doesn't happen to me!" she chuckled. And off they went gallivanting around the interweb. I don't know about you, non-existent readers (and Taiga and patroclus), but I rather envy them. There are so many great places to go. Below is how the date progressed:
First (much to Lucy's embarrassment - "Humph! That was your fault!").
Then here - which they found both a little odd and for the most part utterly wonderful. But a touch noisy for proper conversation, so onwards they went...
dropping in here to say 'Hi' (as they'd been so very kindly invited and happened to be in Finland already). Before moving on to find some liquid refreshment.
This is where they found themselves. It was the first bar Albert or Lucy had ever been to, but even they weren't too sure about the place. They turned to eachother, shrugged their shoulders and went in anyway. Maybe this was what all bars looked like. They ordered drinks, but all the bikers kept staring at them. Perhaps if they'd been written in a hairier or more leathery font they would have been accepted. Who can tell. Anyway, it was clearly time for another venue change.
Quite some while was spent in here. They'd been intending to go elsewhere, but for some reason they just lost track of time.
Not unconnectedly, they eventually felt compelled to go here - I rarely go in these places myself, but they have this great "frites sauce" dip thing in the Amsterdam ones. Lucy and Albert certainly thought so. Which was what prompted them to google their way over to this place for the real thing. So many "sauzen", so little time.
Finally, it was time to return home. And don't worry, on the way back they disposed of their takeaway wrappers responsibly.
All in all the date went swimmingly. Kisses were exchanged, hands were held, some tentative caressing went on, but as you can see they're sleeping separately (which took great self-restraint on both their parts), though most probably dreaming about eachother. Don't they seem peaceful? Blissful, even. In fact, neither of them has been happier.
However, there is a dark cloud on the horizon for our happy couple. Nope, I'm not going to delete them out of jealousy. Far more interesting than that. When they awake Albert and Lucy will not be alone. Miranda will be here. Literally here. This post. Do you see? Good, good.
Who knows what chaos and complications her multi-fonted, multi coloured, link-strewn presence will bring? Who knows whether I'll get around to posting again? Everything depends on my ever-changing whims. And everyone knows how undependable whims are.
To be continued...
perhaps...
"Oh, to Hell with it, Lucy! I just can't hold it in any longer. You're... umm... oh... you know..."
"Oh, so are you, Albert! I'm so relieved."
"You mean... you like me?"
"You're wonderful. The way you blush around me is so cute. And Arial 10 point looks so good on you."
"And I can hardly take my eyes off your Verdana. And you wear it in 10 point, just like me. It's like we were meant to be together."
"Albert, let's get out of here. Where can we go?"
"You mean we can get out of here? I thought we were stuck here."
"Oh, don't listen to that Occasional Poster chap. He's clearly unreliable. Let's just go!"
"Ok, here goes. I don't know if this is going to work, but grab my hand, close your i's and... Now!"
Here is where they ended up. It wasn't an auspicious start, and said much about what was on Albert's mind at the time. But Lucy didn't mind. She was actually quite flattered. Although she pretended not to be.
"Albert!:)" she exclaimed, in what she hoped was a horrified fashion. But even he could see the little smile she was trying to hide and they both burst out laughing.
"Sorry... Umm... do you want to try it this time?"
"I just hope the same thing doesn't happen to me!" she chuckled. And off they went gallivanting around the interweb. I don't know about you, non-existent readers (and Taiga and patroclus), but I rather envy them. There are so many great places to go. Below is how the date progressed:
First (much to Lucy's embarrassment - "Humph! That was your fault!").
Then here - which they found both a little odd and for the most part utterly wonderful. But a touch noisy for proper conversation, so onwards they went...
dropping in here to say 'Hi' (as they'd been so very kindly invited and happened to be in Finland already). Before moving on to find some liquid refreshment.
This is where they found themselves. It was the first bar Albert or Lucy had ever been to, but even they weren't too sure about the place. They turned to eachother, shrugged their shoulders and went in anyway. Maybe this was what all bars looked like. They ordered drinks, but all the bikers kept staring at them. Perhaps if they'd been written in a hairier or more leathery font they would have been accepted. Who can tell. Anyway, it was clearly time for another venue change.
Quite some while was spent in here. They'd been intending to go elsewhere, but for some reason they just lost track of time.
Not unconnectedly, they eventually felt compelled to go here - I rarely go in these places myself, but they have this great "frites sauce" dip thing in the Amsterdam ones. Lucy and Albert certainly thought so. Which was what prompted them to google their way over to this place for the real thing. So many "sauzen", so little time.
Finally, it was time to return home. And don't worry, on the way back they disposed of their takeaway wrappers responsibly.
All in all the date went swimmingly. Kisses were exchanged, hands were held, some tentative caressing went on, but as you can see they're sleeping separately (which took great self-restraint on both their parts), though most probably dreaming about eachother. Don't they seem peaceful? Blissful, even. In fact, neither of them has been happier.
However, there is a dark cloud on the horizon for our happy couple. Nope, I'm not going to delete them out of jealousy. Far more interesting than that. When they awake Albert and Lucy will not be alone. Miranda will be here. Literally here. This post. Do you see? Good, good.
Who knows what chaos and complications her multi-fonted, multi coloured, link-strewn presence will bring? Who knows whether I'll get around to posting again? Everything depends on my ever-changing whims. And everyone knows how undependable whims are.
To be continued...
perhaps...
62 Comments:
Oo how nice (and rather busy )date you had.
I was thinking of you while we were in the crabby icy Lost. But that's how it is here. You know already.
Ooh, I'm enjoying this.
Thanks, P. So am I actually. Now when I'm bored I can just go to the first post and argue with Albert.
I must get out more.
[yawns and rubs sleep from her eyes]
Hey! Stop picking on Albert! You big bully!
I'm confused. Where have you been arguing with Albert?
Like I said, in the comments bit of the first post. You've never been in there.
Why not?
You're not allowed in there.
Whyever not? This isn't making any sense.
Because that post is Albert the Lonely Blog Post. He wouldn't be very lonely if you kept going in there, would he?
You're making my head hurt.
So who did I go out with? Who did I kiss? Who have I been spending all my time with?
They're both the same Albert. The Albert in the comments bit is Albert as he was when I first created him. You weren't around at the time.
[hopes Lucy buys his transparent attempt to dig himself out of a hole]
Oh, no you don't! I can read what's in your square brackets, buster.
Now the proper explanation, please.
[yawns loudly] What's going on?
Oh, hello Lucy. Wasn't last night lovely?
It was very special, Albert.
[wanders over to squeeze his hand lovingly]
But, that Ocassional Poster is being mean again. He won't tell me why I'm not allowed to go and see you in your comments bit.
Yes, why is that? I'm horribly lonely up there. [addresses OPC] But you know that, don't you?
Yes, yes. I know. Blah, blah, lonely, lonely etc.
Look, if all those Christians can accept that three-in-one Holy Trinity stuff, I don't see why you two can't accept two-Alberts-in-one.
[Albert and Lucy still look unconvinced]
Oh, ok then. Here's the real reason. Inside each of one us isn't there a secret, desperately lonely place where it's just 'you' alone in the world? A place not even your loved ones can know, but which may ocassionally be opened up to a random stranger, someone you can share a moment with and never see again. That is what Albert's comments section is.
He's being pretentious again, isn't he? Is this what you were telling me about the other day?
[sighs] Yep. I think it's one of his failings. We'll probably have to put up with a lot of it.
Look here, I've had enough of this.
You two are very uppity for fictional beings I could erase with a couple of mouseclicks.
You wouldn't dare. What would you have to blog about then? It's not like you have much of a life to speak of, is it?
[i's fill with pride] You go, Albert!
Erm...
Look over there! You haven't met Miranda yet, have you?
[scuttles off while their backs are turned]
Oooo. [i's widen]She's rather cute. Hello, Miranda.
Oooo. Isn't she? Hello, Miranda.
Where's that Occasional Poster chap gone?
wv: lvhlucby - Oo! That's nearly my name. Sort of.
Ah, cowardice. That's another one.
Another what?
Failing.
Ah.
Does he have a lot of them?
[shakes head despairingly] Yes. Lots of them
He's not very good at finishing things, for one.
I bet he has commitment problems as well.
Probably.
And insomnia, it seems.
Yes. He's a bit of a mess all in all, isn't he.
That's proabbly why he's so mean to us.
It's sad really, isn't it?
Yes.
I almost feel sorry for him.
Almost.
Hmm...
Oh! Good grief! We've quite forgotten about Miranda.
I'm awfully sorry, Miranda. Let's show you around your new home.
Oo, yes. Sorry, Miranda.
She is gorgeous, isn't she?
[all three exit comments box excitedly]
Oh, dear God!
[begins to regret ever starting this madness]
This is wonderful!
And I love the way you're playing with time too. It'll soon be Christmas, won't it?
Is this some sort of an attempt to avoid year 2012?
* feeling dizzy again *
Christmas?
Oo! Pressies! Yay!
Let's go make lists.
[sighs resignedly] Oh, joy.
Dave, Dave, Dave, what have you done?
Taiga, much more of this and my mind may have split off into so many different personalities that I won't even notice it's 2012.
wv: rbucro - like a real one, but less likely to give you bird-flu (see also rbuchkn).
you are posting backwards and in the future. it makes me afraid.
Yes, one day, in the not-too-distance future, the time you live in and ours will coincide. And then where will we all be?
Presumably, in your time-frame, Lucy and Albert, you will be giving back presents on December 25th.
And then writing lists about them afterwards.
>>And then where will we all be?<<
Probably somewhere in the middle of June.
The world may come to an end, of course, but at least it might be sunny.
But we haven't got any presents.
[look accusingly at OPC]
Now look what you've done, Dave!
Really, Lucy and Albert, how can you have forgotten those marvelous gifts?
You still have time, before 25/12, to write about the wonderful presents you recieved.
And then give them back.
Has Dave given us presents?
I bet you've kept them for yourself, haven't you?
That's just the kind of thing he'd do, Dave.
[somewhat flustered] No, no, no. Of course I haven't.
Oh, fine. Here. Full cricketing gear for two. Bats, pads, the lot. But you do realise this is just part of his diabolical scheme to infiltrate cricket into all the world's blogs, don't you?
He must be stopped, I tell you. He must be stopped!
What rattled his cage?
I know.
Jeez.
Do you think he has a cage?
Are we not all trapped inside cages of our own construction?
[sighs] He's off again.
I know. Four readers and suddenly he thinks he's a writer.
Come on, Albert. Let's find Miranda.
[wander off together, arm in arm, chatting happily]
"Jeez"?
Where'd she pick that up?
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