Some people prefer cornflakes
I feel the need to blog. However, I am also feeling uninspired. In fact, I was almost tempted to blog about something real. There we were, within a mere few feet of eachother, reality and I, when I recalled that actually the bastard still hasn't apologised for that whole dull business that is my life. Needless to say I turned my head and, in what I hoped was a nonchalant, yet pointed fashion, passed him by on the other side of the street. I think it was at that point that I fell over. I'm not too sure really. I just recall pain, darkness, and somewhere, echoing around the hazy fringes of my perception, a peal of that old familiar mocking laughter.
I woke up many hours later to the sound of an alarm clock. Then another. And another. Some sadist had set them to go off one after the other. Who would do such a thing, I wondered, incredulously, as I drifted off again. The noise didn't stop. It was joined by a fourth and a fifth. And a sixth, trilling away. No, why are you doing this, I've done nothing wrong, I tried to think to myself above all the noise. This isn't fair! Well, I won't be beaten. You just watch me sleep.
Hmm? What? Three more alarms. And another three. That was it. Sleep was no longer an option. Right, who's doing this? Show yourselves! I cried, leaping out of bed. Come on! But wait. Those horrible green walls. That recalcitrant guitar. That dust covered philosophy book. Apparently, I was in my bedroom. But surely that couldn't be so, I reasoned, there was the tripping up, the blackout, the mocking laughter of reality - shouldn't I be in hospital? Or at least still flat out on the street, minus all my valuables (money, phone, dignity). What had happened? Steadily, the mists of sleep were clearing, or as much as they ever do. Oh, dear God! It couldn't be true. There hadn't been a blackout. I'd just lived through two consecutive days so depressingly similar as to be indistinguishable. NOOOOoooooooo!!!!! I bellowed. Not again! Pleeeeaaasssse?! For it was morning. Time for work.
Well, I suppose everyone has their morning rituals.
I woke up many hours later to the sound of an alarm clock. Then another. And another. Some sadist had set them to go off one after the other. Who would do such a thing, I wondered, incredulously, as I drifted off again. The noise didn't stop. It was joined by a fourth and a fifth. And a sixth, trilling away. No, why are you doing this, I've done nothing wrong, I tried to think to myself above all the noise. This isn't fair! Well, I won't be beaten. You just watch me sleep.
Hmm? What? Three more alarms. And another three. That was it. Sleep was no longer an option. Right, who's doing this? Show yourselves! I cried, leaping out of bed. Come on! But wait. Those horrible green walls. That recalcitrant guitar. That dust covered philosophy book. Apparently, I was in my bedroom. But surely that couldn't be so, I reasoned, there was the tripping up, the blackout, the mocking laughter of reality - shouldn't I be in hospital? Or at least still flat out on the street, minus all my valuables (money, phone, dignity). What had happened? Steadily, the mists of sleep were clearing, or as much as they ever do. Oh, dear God! It couldn't be true. There hadn't been a blackout. I'd just lived through two consecutive days so depressingly similar as to be indistinguishable. NOOOOoooooooo!!!!! I bellowed. Not again! Pleeeeaaasssse?! For it was morning. Time for work.
Well, I suppose everyone has their morning rituals.
70 Comments:
What happened between us, OPC? What did I do?
Oh, good grief. You pursue me even here?
Why are you being like this? It saddens me.
I saddens you?! What the hell are you talking about?
Come on, OPC. You can't be telling me you don't remember?
Remember what?
Oh, that's cold, man. Real cold.
What is? What the hell do you want with me? Please, let's just get this over with, whatever it is.
Nah, you're messing with me. Aren't you? Yeah, that's what it is. You're a funny guy. A funny guy...
Well, hey, I like a joke. But, come on, let's be serious now. This is you and me now, buddy.
Buddy?!
Wow. You really don't remember, do you? Nothing? I used to be a friend of yours.
I think you'll find that was P.M. Dawn.
Big black guy? Tiny glasses?
Actually, they were a duo.
Really?
You're just thinking of the singer, Prince Be.
Wow. I did not know that.
Common misconception.
Whatever happened to those guys? Such tiny, tiny glasses...
So tiny...
Anyway, what did you want?
Du-nah-nah-nah, du-nah-nah-nah. Set adrift on memory bliss of you...
Hmm? Oh, right. Sorry. No idea.
[Chuckles] They really were tiny glasses, weren't they? Teeny , tiny glasses...
[Sighs] Yes. They were.
Hoo! Tiny, glasses. Ickle, tiny weeny glasses. Weren't they just... so tiny?
Are you done yet?
Nearly, nearly... oh, dear me [starts making pretend tiny glasses with finger and thumbs and peering around the room, grinning].
Wow. How'd he see stuff through those things?
[Sighs loudly] I. Don't. Know.
[Somewhat testily] Ok, ok, ok. I'm done.
Now can you see why I avoid you? You're so...
bloody irritating!
I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves. Get, get, get on your nerves.
I know a...
Oh, dear God!!!
[Begins to rock gently back and forth in foetal postion]
So some people prefer cornflakes, you serial?
And what are you eating, Fox? All-Brain Flakes?
No, but you must still be digesting that indistinguishableness.
I'm not! See: insistinguishabilitiness.
Well, you can insist what you want, but at least I'm not living in the flying hubcap.
Ouch! Don't throw me with that... what's that?
Oh, I've actually never seen these before. It's a dropped "You rock" compliment-stone.
That must be what knocked him down.
I HATE YOU REALITY.
You that attempts to prevent my existence.
*sings* Go away and don't come back another day!
Oh wait, that's rain.
Same principle.
Now, now. Enough of this fighting and bickering Nõidus and Taiga. We should all be uniting against the common foe.
Who are you calling common?
Well, if the Burberry cap fits...
Oi! 'Nuvver crack like that and you'll feel the kiss of my sovereign ring, you fackin' muppet.
From Argos is it?
Anyway, when did you become an East End thug? You were some kind of pseudo-mafioso earlier.
I'm multifaceted, innit?
In what?
Eh?
What are you in?
You wot? I ain't in nuffink.
Then you're naked?
Yeah, I am, 's-a-matterofact. What of it? You never 'eard of stark reality?
I've heard of ugly reality...
And what's that meant to mean?
Oh, nothing. It's just something people say.
People? Which people? There's people wants teaching some respect, I needs to know 'bout it.
Erm...
Cah'mon, spill it, you muppet. Who's these slags wot needs sorting?
I'm sorry, your grammar is...
Oh, Gawd, not again... People's always telling me 'bout her. Yer Nan done this, yer Nan done that, son. I've been nuffin' but good to that woman. I dunno why she keeps bad-mouffing me like that. Well, I fink she's going... you know wot I mean, [taps head] up 'ere. Tragic it is. She's incompre'ensible too, some fella told me the other day. It must be so 'umiliatin' when you can't control yer bodly functions no more. Poor ol' gal.
What do you... oh yes, so it must. It's terrible when they go like that, isn't it? Do you think maybe you should go find her? She might be wandering the streets, all confused, or something.
Oh, fack me! She might be, an' all.
[Rushes off]
Thank God for that! I thought I was going to have to pelt him with those ludicrous compliment stones someone left lying around in here.
I've been looking for those.
[Sighs] I should have known.
What?! Albert gave them to me.
Yeah, yeah. I believe you.
He did!
If you say so.
He did!!
Yeah, yeah.
Ooowww! "You are always right"?
Poetic. Justice.
[Waltzes off in triumph]
Hmph!
[Sighs] I suppose it'd be wrong to throw it back at her...
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